I’ve never been a goal setter. I tend not to commit to anything that can lead to disappointment. I’ve fallen into the mindset of: if I have low expectations, I will rarely be disappointed. This system has worked well for me for many years, on a number of levels.
In 2007 or 2008 I saw the rather campy film Fast Food Nation. Anyone who has seen it will agree it is not the greatest cinematic journey. It had good reviews, was promoted as a fictional story around the ground breaking book (which i read a few years later), and that intrigued me.
I found it mostly humorous. Then came the ending. I wasn’t prepared. The last ten minutes or so have haunted me for years. I had nightmares. I did not eat beef for more than a year after seeing it. The tour through the slaughterhouse, in every graphic detail, from “here little cow, come in here,” to package of meat at the grocery. I still get waves of nausea. Unexpected and impactful. But not enough.
In 2010 I began paying attention to the issues in our nations food supply. This led to eye opening learnings about factory, GMOs, farms, the plight of the farmers, the horror that is corn, the evils of the Fast Food Industry, that Monsanto IS the devil (not just WalMart) how organic farmers are set up to fail by a government intent on killing us all with frankenfood, and on and on and on.
I got mad. I realized that yes, I over-indulged. I also had cravings for really bad food. Fast Food especially. Why would a person crave tacos and chicken nuggets and fries? BECAUSE THEY WANT US TO CRAVE THEM SO WE WILL BIY MORE.
Soilent Green is people. Red for the masses, green for the wealthy…
Only a clean food supply was going to save me.
In Oct 2012 I decided it was time to make a big change, quit flirting with it. I had watched all the films. Read all the books. I decided to transition to vegan in a year.
A year came and went. I learned more. I found this group. I learned even more. I did not meet my arbitrary goal. I spent two months beating myself up for being a failure, when in reality, I just played with it and procrastinated.
What I DID manage to do was learn more about what makes me tick, and why I want to make changes. Change was much harder than I ever imagined it to be.
I attended a Whole Foods book signing for My Beef with Meat over the summer. I took a friend with me. When the author talked about only having one foot in, she kicked me under the table and shook her finger at me. I’ve had one foot in for years.
A few months ago I decided to change financially as well. All of this is really overwhelming. Money plus Food. Add in my parents and we have a perfect trifecta sure to destroy me or make me stronger. I’m not sure where we are at just yet.
When anyone suggests anything that puts me out of my comfort zone, I panic. Goals are one of those things.
Then someone put it out there in a blog post I read. GOALS.
My brain couldn’t let it go. Turmoil all afternoon. I could ignore it, yes…but I’m growing and changing and new me should not ignore it. Damn. One foot dangling in the wind, and not just with regard to food.
2014. I need to better manage my time. I’ve made progress. There is more progress to make.
Somehow this afternoon I managed to make a pact with someone that I will do a 5k sometime before the end of 2014.
I told a friend this at dinner. Her response? “You’ll need to buy shoes and socks.” Heavy sigh. That really isn’t in my budget.
I am now off to google that couch to 5k thing and see how much I need to save for shoes and socks…